Love and Other Good Stuff

Recently I held a workshop called Resounding Heart with the glorious sound healer, Matt Omo. I was in awe of the bravery of the students who came and boldly stepped into the practices because they are no walk in the park. The workshop involved entering the space of the heart, which takes a willingness to be in our vulnerability, and see what may be holding us back from living our lives from a place of deep connection. I think by far the greatest journey we have to travel in this lifetime is to the very centre of our own being. Into our hearts. And to heal all the barriers that we’ve created around it.

To do that takes being open to our past traumas that we may have stored within our bodies from when life rubbed up against us in a way that was a little too painful to bear. When these traumas occur we can twist away from life and bury the feelings deep inside in order to save ourselves from further pain. Which works… to a point. But then we get into an intimate relationship and discover that this armour and unprocessed wounding gets in the way of opening our hearts to loving and being loved. 

In the workshop I invited the students to partner up and we did a practice where we hold each other’s hearts. This process is challenging to put into words but the effects of it are always incredibly powerful. Students shared that it felt like a great privilege and responsibility to hold someone else’s heart in your hands and to meet another in this intimate space. Which is spot on. What a gift we have as human beings to feel to the depths that we do and create loving bonds that make our lives more rich and colourful. It is a privilege. 

However, we are not part of a culture that supports the education and expression of the heart and we can spend a huge amount of energy shielding ourselves from that very experience in order to protect ourselves. But I would challenge that although most of us have these ingrained habits of protection we are all deeply longing for that very thing. To hold the heart of another and to allow ourselves to be truly held by them. That longing takes us into the dance of romantic relationship where we risk the possible hurt for the ultimate life experience… love. 

I’ve heard it been said that love is a many splendid thing. It’s can also be one hell of a challenging rollercoaster ride of fragility and can bring up intense and uncomfortable feelings when our ‘stuff’ comes to the surface to play. Did I say play? I meant drive us crazy…

I had to laugh recently at myself… as I oft do. Because when I’m single I can really fool myself into thinking that most of the work is done and surely enlightenment is just around the corner. You can join me in the laughter now. Then I step into a relationship and start to develop real and big feelings for another person and then…. BOOM! My past trauma can download in a second and I’m rocking in the corner wondering what the hell happened.

Eckart Tolle calls those triggers the ‘pain body’ which I think is perfect because doesn't it feel just like that? Your partner does or says something and outta nowhere you are in a world of pain that has little to do with what’s actually happening and more to do with your internal happenings. Old stuff starts playing out as if it was new stuff and we feel certain it’s the same scenario (it’s not) that hurt you before. It’s a very tricky little fucker the ole pain body.

With this in mind I have to check myself a lot and be careful about whether I’m in relationship with the person in front of me or just in relationship with my past trauma. Because if that person is in their past stuff and I’m in mine, the place where we can truly meet on a heart and soul level will continue to elude us. So my practice is staying in my heart as best I can. Because how can I invite someone into that space if I’m not there to greet them?

So here’s some good news. Although those moments where we get triggered can completely suck they are actually really great (stay with me) because they are showing us the doorway to healing, which we could never discover on our own. It takes a teammate to get us to that level of awareness. Those uncomfortable feelings are like the golden tickets of where to go next. Rather than getting frustrated and deeming ourselves ‘fucked up’ and incapable of loving and being loved, we can pause, soften, and appreciate that our pain is lighting the path of what we need to explore in order to grow. So we can stay present… and so we can be in love.

I just spent the weekend with my partner’s family and friends and it was such a reminder how this powerful connection to each other from the place of love is really what we are all here for. All the ambitions in the world will never be as satisfying as the open, honest, and yes often vulnerable, relationships with other human beings. It is the reason why working on things like our pain body is so valuable. So we can truly love and connect. 

I leave you with a of a story about a wonderful guy called Nick Vujicic. Nick was born with no arms or legs and is a very inspirational speaker. I heard him share once that growing up he thought that he would never be able to fall in love and get married because what woman would love a man who can’t even hold her hand? Nick is now married to a wonderful woman who truly saw his radiant self and he said that even though he can’t hold his wife’s hand, he knows he will always hold her heart. 

And isn’t that all that we really want? At the end of our lives when we look back and reflect on our time here I doubt very much we’ll be thinking much on work achievements and money made. I think we will reflect about all the people who courageously held our heart. And how we courageously allowed ourselves to hold theirs.

Give me the work on the pain body any day…

Because I don’t want to miss out on that.

Yours in Yoga,
Aimee

PS. This is e.e cummings, one of my favourite poets, showing us how it’s done…