Study of Life
Lately I have embarked on more training and study. I’ve taken up some Yin training with the lovely Sarah Owen and have worked intensively with the wonderful Adam Whiting. Both with the desire to grow, get challenged, and expand. I’m honestly never happier than when I am studying yoga… Or the body… Because they both come under the umbrella of studying life. And what’s not to love about that?
This palpable desire to learn I can attribute to my teacher/mentor of a grandmother, the wise and wonderful Betty Fergie. And also my mother who went back to repeat her high school qualification at the age of 49 and then went on to achieve honours in fine arts at university. They both told me growing up that I should never stop learning because that’s a sure way to make my life experience get bigger and more expansive as I get older. Rather than it getting smaller as I travelled along. Yes I know, they are both the bomb!
* This is the wise and wonderful Betty Fergie. AKA supermodel of grandmothers. Just look at that camera work.
Ironically I wasn't much chop in the study area in high school and had to ask my drama teacher to bump up my grade so I could even graduate (she gave me a B – what the F???). So what I’ve discovered is that we need to find the thing that makes our hearts sing. That thing that grabs you by the shoulders and shakes you up with excitement. That thing that learning more and more of makes your life richer and gives it purpose and meaning. When I found yoga it’s like my light went on. I woke up and now I simply can’t get enough of it.
But embracing our inner student extends far beyond academia and finding the right avenue to follow. It open us up to the question of how we can be a student of our own lives. Our very life is one of the greatest teachers we will ever have. It just never stops throwing us curve balls and huge teachable moments. When I was doing one of the trainings with my teacher Tara Judelle she posed the question, “How is your studentship?” In Sanskrit our studentship is called our Adikara (just to get fancy). So the question to ask ourselves is: how’s my adikara when it comes to my own life? In short, am I up for Earth School?
The best teachers I know remain hardworking students. They never cease to keep exploring their chosen field or be open to ‘not knowing’ in order to grow. And this is such a reflection in how they teach – with humility, grace and authenticity.
When we are kids we are so open to learning. We can sit in not knowing with ease because, you know, we’re kids. However, when we get older we start not wanting anyone else to see that we don’t know something. The ego steps in and we stick to presenting ourselves as experts. But here’s the problem – as soon as we say we KNOW something all other possibility is lost. It’s a done deal. There’s no more expansion as we sit in our ‘knowingness’. To return to the Shiva Sutras I mentioned last week, the second sutra says, “Knowledge is bondage”. This gets tricky so stay with me here. I know it feels like a contradiction but in order to remain a student and to expand our consciousness we need to embrace the not-knowing. And we need to do this continually. The sutra invites us to remain the eternal student. So even when we learn something we even remain open to that learning shifting and changing as we expand more and more. Then we remain unbound and fluid. After all, we are not done… until we are done… and not even then.
I have such a mad crush on T.S. Eliot.
We shall not cease from exploration.
It’s pure fricken magic.
Staying in the realm of exploration and learning keeps us juicy and alive! So it’s a little bit nuts that we are in such hurry to lock ourselves down into a set way of thinking and being. Instead we could ask, “What do I think I know?” and “How do I know what I know?” Because sometimes it’s not even our own opinions or experience but rather contracts we adopted while growing up that we took as gospel without question. Or, it’s something we created in the mind and just decided it was fact.
We shall not cease from exploration.
I think my favourite explorations as a teacher are the times when I don’t get it right. They are such glorious teachable moments. Like when I mess up the Sanskrit, or trip over a block and stumble into a wall… or another person. Or when I forget the sequence and a student has to tell me where we are up to. I like it because I get to sit in the humility of not being perfect and not knowing. And try not to fix it or cover it up, which isn’t always easy. I like it that I fall over in my life, and scrap my knees and sometimes it hurts. Because I’m coming to understand that the best growth periods I’ve ever had were preceded by some kind of fall.
At the training over the weekend I was reminded of the Guru Chant (you could also call it the Teacher’s Chant). I’ll leave you with the English translation of it because I can’t really sum it up better than this…
I bow in reverence to all of my teachers.
The teacher that is this life that I’ve been given.
The teacher that is this life that I continue to lead.
The teacher that is all the hardship and difficulty on my path.
The teacher that sits within me.
The teacher that sits beside me.
And the teacher that is beyond all this; formless and supreme.
I dedicate my efforts to the benefit of all beings.
Yours in Yoga,
Aimee xx